Akane examined the painting that adorned one of the walls of the small office.  It was lovely, of
a sunset over the ocean as seen from an orchard on a hill.  She could lose herself in those trees,
wandering for hours...

"Please tell me about yourself, Tendo Akane-san."

She kept looking at the painting, but she had lost her dream.  That was annoying, but she couldn't
hold the feeling for long.  She couldn't hold any feeling for long.  "Surely they told you about me,
Sensei."

His deep voice spoke quietly, soothingly from across the room.  "I want to hear it from you,
Akane-san."

She sighed and turned to face him.  He was a small man, with dark hair shot through with gray.
His face was craggy.  His eyes, though, seemed to stare right through her.  They were dark,
intelligent, appraising.  Somehow, they seemed friendly as well.  She wondered how he
managed it all.  None of the others had been able to.

She wandered over to the chair he had offered her.  She leaned down and put her elbows on the
chair's back, resting her head in her hands.  "Well, I'm 18.  I'm in my last year at Furinkan High.
I live at home with my sister and my father."

Akane stopped and looked at the sensei without much interest.  He continued to look at her, as if
expecting her to tell him more.  She watched his eyes for signs of impatience or anger.  When he
just looked at her, warmth somehow mixed with keen observation, she grimaced.  What more did
he want?  "I have another sister.  She's at college.  My mother died many years ago."  She
floundered; what else was there to say?

His sonorous voice, so surprising from a small man, cut through her.  "Tell me about your
mother."

Akane's eyebrows shot up.  "Is that all you people ever ask about?"

He managed a small, wry smile.  "It's what they teach us in school.  Humor me, please,
Akane-san."

Akane licked her lips.  She walked around the chair and sat down in it, her hands gripping the
armrests.  "Mother was warm and loving and beautiful.  She always smiled, always listened, and
was never angry."

"Do you miss her?"

The anger flared briefly.  "Of course I miss her!"  It melted away again.  "Not as much as I used
to.  Kasumi took over, and she's almost as good as mother was.  She helped me a lot after..."
Akane bit her lip.

Sensei lifted his eyebrows slightly.  "After...?"

Akane shook her head violently.

He looked at her for a moment, then picked up a date book.  "I'd like to see you regularly.  Shall
we say...Wednesdays and Saturdays at this time?"

Akane tried to glare at him but couldn't.  She didn't want to do this.  She needed to do this.  It
wasn't as if she had a choice in the matter.  She didn't have to like it, though.  "Fine.  May I go
now, Sensei?"

He smiled and nodded.  "I enjoyed meeting you Akane-san.  I look forward to talking with you
again on Saturday."  He stood and bowed to her slightly.

She released her grip on the chair and flexed her hands to get some circulation restored.  She
bowed, picked up her school bag, and left.

Akane wandered home, taking her time.  She looked up at the sky.  Thankfully, it was clear.
Barely a cloud to be seen.  She always watched for the clouds.

She entered the house and took off her shoes.  She padded down to the dining room.  Kasumi was
just setting the dishes.  Kasumi looked up as she came in and smiled brightly.  "Hello, Akane.
Dinner is ready.  Would you get Father?"

Akane looked at Kasumi closely.  Kasumi must be curious about her afternoon meeting, but she
was also going to let Akane talk about it when she was ready.  Akane appreciated that
tremendously.  "Okay, older sister."

She turned and went to the porch.  Father was sitting alone at his shogi board.  He had the pieces
set out, and was intently studying the position.  Akane watched as he moved a piece, then turned
the board around.

"Father."  He started, then looked at her.  His face assumed the frightened, guilty expression it
almost always had when he first saw her.  He had learned, recently, to quickly replace it with a
happy face, but he could never hide his true feelings.  Akane wished he was better at it.  "Father,
dinner is ready."

He stood immediately.  "Good!"  His eyes were bright with false cheer as he put his arm around
her and led her back to the dining room.

They sat and ate dinner.  Father was trying to probe her gently for details of her visit.  She
ignored him and concentrated on eating.  It took effort, even now.  It tasted bland, as it always
had of late.  Nothing wrong with Kasumi's cooking.  Ranma loved her cooking, would always
gulp it down as if there was no tomorrow.  She would chastise him sometimes; he ate like a pig.
Then again, so did his father; they had never learned manners.  Ranma would just dig right in and
shovel it into his mouth, reaching over her to grab the soy sauce, trying to reach her hand as the
rain pelted her face...

"Baka!"  She slammed her palm on the table, hard.  Father jumped and Kasumi actually let out a
little shriek.  Akane looked around, embarrassed.  "I'm sorry, please forgive me."  She looked
down at her half-completed dinner.  She simply had no desire to finish it.  She stood up and
bowed.  "I'm sorry," she said again, and went up to her room.

She sat at her desk and took out her homework.  Homework was something she enjoyed.  Her
grades had been much better lately.  She could lose herself in the texts and shut out the rest of the
world.  She plunged willingly into her calculus.  Math wasn't as easy for her as it was to Nabiki,
but she could do okay.  It was so nice to just flow with the formulas, applying obscure
trigonometric functions to obtuse equations; she could easily lose several hours in the math.
Several hours spent not thinking about... other things.

Akane was interrupted by a knock on her open door.  She turned to see Kasumi standing in the
doorway.  She was smiling, as usual, but her eyes were sad and questioning.

Akane looked longingly at her calculus book, but she couldn't deny Kasumi.  She sighed deeply.
"So... I'll be seeing the sensei Wednesdays and Saturdays after school."  She suddenly realized -
two days a week, for however many months - her eyes widened.  "Can we afford that, Kasumi?"

"Hush, Akane.  Of course we can."  Kasumi came in and sat on the bed.  "Do you like your
sensei?"

Akane considered.  "I don't know.  They all pretend to be something they're not.  Still, he seems
better than the others.  Friendlier.  He's a good man."  She was surprised to realize it was true.
She did like him.

Kasumi let out a small sigh of relief.  Akane glanced sharply at her.  She couldn't maintain any
annoyance, however.  More than anyone, Kasumi had a right to be worried, and to feel relief that
Akane was getting help.  Kasumi had had the most difficult time over the past few months.  Other
than Akane herself, that is.

Akane unconsciously rubbed her stomach.  Kasumi saw, and looked closely at her.

Akane was angry with herself.  She shouldn't give Kasumi any reason to worry, especially after
Kasumi had just started feeling better, too.  "I'm fine, Kasumi.  I really think the sensei will help
me.  Can I go back to my homework now?"

Kasumi nodded and smiled.  She got up, went over to Akane, bent down, and gave her a hug.
Akane felt mildly irritated at first, but she hugged her back, finding some of her own tension
melting away.  She was, as always, thankful to have Kasumi as her sister.

Kasumi left, and Akane considered the calculus text again.  She didn't feel like doing anything
with it right now.  She went over to the window, opened it, and stared outside.  Still no clouds.
The stars shone brightly; she watched them for a while, thinking of her sister.  Where would she
be without Kasumi?

Kasumi's hands pressing against Akane's abdomen, trying to staunch the flow of blood.  "Nabiki!
Call an ambulance!"  Kasumi's voice on the ragged edge of a scream, Akane trying to push her
away...

Akane rubbed her stomach again as she stared at the night sky.  Perhaps she would be better off.

***

Akane sat primly in the chair this time, her hands folded on her knee.  She looked evenly at the
sensei, in control.  This was something she had learned from Nabiki.  Not that Nabiki had meant
to teach her this.  Years of watching her sister hide her feelings from everyone had taught Akane
to do the same.

Sensei was just watching her.  Akane had expected him to be taking notes, as all of the others
had.  There wasn't a piece of paper to be found in front of him.

"How did you wind up in the hospital, Akane-san?"  After the silence, his deep voice seemed to
fill the room.

Akane remained still.  "You know how, Sensei."

"Again, Akane-san, I want to hear you say it.  Why were you in the hospital?"

Akane had to fight to keep her hands away from her stomach.  "I..."  She licked her lips.  "I went
into the dojo..."

Sensei waited.  When her silence continued, he prodded her gently.  "And..."

"And..."  She drew a breath.  "I had on my gi, and I went to the center of the dojo.  I sat on the
floor.  I..."

Sensei cocked his head, then prompted, "You put the tanto in front of you?"

Akane nodded.  "I waited a while.  It seemed so right.  It felt good.  I picked up the blade.  I
bared it, and grabbed it with both hands."

"How long did you hold it?"

"Not long."  Until the next thunderclap had sounded overhead.  "Then I stabbed myself with it."

"How deeply did you thrust?"

"Pretty deep."  She shuddered.  She hadn't realized how much it would hurt.  Every breath had
moved things inside her, things that had pressed against the edge of the knife.  She'd cried out.  "I
pulled out the knife quickly."  The pain had only gotten worse.

"Who found you?"

"Kasumi."  Even now, part of her regretted the lack of discipline that had allowed her to make so
much noise.  No one would have come in time otherwise.  Kasumi had thrust open the door to the
dojo and screamed.  Somehow, her scream had hurt more than the knife had.

"They - Nabiki and Kasumi - they got me to the hospital very quickly.  The doctors there patched
me up good."

"I'm glad."  She looked at him, surprised.  He went on.  "How long were you there?"

"A month in intensive care and recovery.  Three months is the psychiatric ward."  A lot of her
life, wasted in those sterile halls.

Sensei looked at her for a long while.  "I hear facts, Akane-san.  I don't hear how it made you
feel."

"Feel?"  The anger, rising again.  "I tried to kill myself!  I no longer wanted to live!  How do you
think I felt?"

"Tell me."

She leaped to her feet, the anger making her heart race.  "I wanted to die!  I should have died, it
should have been me!"

"Do you mean your suicide attempt should have succeeded?"

Akane flushed.  "What else could I mean?"

His voice was gentle.  "I don't know.  Tell me."

She dropped back into the chair, her head in her hands, despair filling her.  "Ranma..."

"Who is Ranma?"

"My fiancee..."  She would not cry again.  She would not.

"Tell me about him."

Still covering her face, she shook her head.

The silence stretched.  Finally he spoke up.  "Our time is done for today, Akane-san.  Next time,
I would like to know more about your fiancee."

She fumbled for her bag and fled the office.

***

Akane ran through the streets.  She would not cry.  She looked up at the sky and saw, to her
alarm, that clouds were gathering.  Please, not now.

She ran up to the front door of her house and stood for a moment, composing herself.  She
wanted her family to think everything was okay.  Everything *was* okay.

She couldn't help looking at the gathering clouds.  She bit her lip, and went inside.

Again, dinner was waiting for her.  She finished dinner without incident, withstanding her
father's curious glances.  Kasumi chattered brightly, maintaining a monologue that was mostly
ineffective at lifting the dark mood around the table.

Afterwards, she went to the dojo.  She hadn't changed out of her school clothes, but she wasn't
much in the mood for working out anyway.  She needed to, she knew.  She was going to inherit
the dojo, after all.  Tonight, though, her feelings were in too much turmoil.

Ranma reached out his hand, just as nervous as he had been after they had left Shinnosuke in the
Higo Forest.  Akane smiled and grabbed it.  His face was comedic in the frightened expressions
that crossed it, but it finally settled into a more or less content look.  They were far enough away
from the others that they couldn't be seen, which Akane knew was important to Ranma.  He
needed to be brought along slowly.  Come to think of it, she probably wasn't up to any public
displays of affection, either.  She looked up at him, his muscular body glistening in the sunlight.
She wondered if he would try to kiss her.  She wondered if she would try to kiss him.  That made
her blush.

It began to rain outside the dojo.  Akane leaned against the wall, drawing deep breaths.  His
body hadn't been glistening in the sun.  She always tried to remember it that way, but it had been
overcast, gray, and dull.  Darkening, even.

Akane shook her head, fighting to keep the memories at bay.  She needed to get out of here.  She
ran out of the dojo, into the house, and into her room.  She fell on her bed, curled up, and
remained there, sleeping only when exhaustion overtook her at dawn.

***

"My father and Ranma's father agreed that Ranma would marry one of Father's daughters.  It was
their intention that such a marriage would insure the continued survival of the Anything Goes
School of Martial Arts."  Akane wondered where she had learned such a lecturing tone of voice.
Probably from one of her teachers at school.  Or one of the doctors at the hospital.

Sensei leaned forward.  "Why were you chosen over your sisters?"

Akane considered.  How to explain Ranma's curse?  The fact that her sisters had forced her into
the engagement, on the premise that since he was half a girl, and Akane hated boys, they were
best suited for each other?  It didn't fit, somehow, with what she thought Sensei was trying to
accomplish.  "Ranma and I are the same age.  Besides, I was the best martial artist of us three.  It
seemed logical."

"Logical to whom?"

"Logical to my sisters.  And to me."  She lowered her eyes as she said this.

Sensei thought a while before moving on.  "How did Ranma react to the engagement?"

Akane laughed.  "He hated it as much as I did.  He thought I was an uncute, unsexy tomboy.  He
told me that often enough."

"Do you believe that?  Are you uncute?"

Akane thought about it for a long time.  "For a while before Ranma moved in with us, I had
twenty or thirty boys fighting me every morning because they wanted to go out with me."

This surprised the sensei.  "Fighting you?  Why would they fight you?"

Akane snorted.  "Long story involving a very strange man in the class in front of mine.  Anyway,
having that many men fighting over you is quite a good ego booster.  I was confident enough in
my attractiveness not to let Ranma's opinion worry me."  Her face softened.  "Once in a while,
he'd let his guard down, and he'd let me know what he really thought.  Only a very few times,
and..."  She trailed off.

There was just a touch of excitement in Sensei's otherwise soothing voice.  "And...?"

Akane shook her head very slightly.  She didn't want to offend Sensei if she could.  "Well, he
thought I was cute.  Making him admit that he'd said it afterwards was never easy."

"So what did you believe?  That he found you unsexy, or that he thought you were cute?"

Tears started to flow from her eyes.  No sobbing, no sniffling, just water streaming down her
face.  "He thought I'd died, once.  He held my body in his arms and said how sorry he was that
he'd never gotten a chance to tell me that he loved me."

Sensei's voice sounded a little doubtful.  "That's not the same as telling you that he loved you.  It
sounds as if he had grounds for avoiding admitting his feelings to you."

Akane nodded violently.  "Yes!  That's exactly right.  He denied saying it, he never said it.  I
mean, I knew that he felt it, and he knew that he couldn't really hide it, but he lacked the courage
to actually say it.  He was such a jerk, an idiot, he thought he had all the time in the world to say
it, he never knew that time was running out, that he would leave me and he'd never get the chance
to say it..."  She was talking faster and louder as she went on.  She ended by jumping up, her fists
clenched at her sides, shouting up at the ceiling, "RANMA NO BAKA!"

She had nothing left inside her.  She tried to collapse back into her chair, and nearly fell when
she discovered the chair had been overturned when she'd jumped to her feet.  She righted the
chair, sat in it, and stared at Sensei, emotionally drained, her face wet.

Sensei was watching her carefully.  They sat in silence for a long time, trying to gather their
respective thoughts.

Finally, he spoke.  "How are you feeling right now, Akane-san?"

Akane thought on that for a while.  The answer surprised her a little.  "Better.  I feel a little
better.  It's as if I've been holding my breath for a while and finally let it out."

He seemed to relax a little at that.  "Good, that's very good, Akane-san.  You should not try to
hold your feelings in, but instead let them out.  It's not necessarily going to make you feel better
immediately, but it takes less energy than shutting your emotions away.  In the long run, it's
healthier for you."

Akane hugged herself.  "Oh, Sensei, it's scary.  I don't want to feel these things.  That's why I
tried to kill myself, so I could stop feeling.  It hurt too much to feel.  I could control it sometimes,
but whenever the rain came, the feelings would come back.  Please, it took me so long to learn to
shut them off, do I have to let them loose again?  Won't I just end up killing myself?"

Sensei took a long time answering.  "It seems almost trite to say this, but you won't ever be able
to feel pleasure again if you don't feel pain.  Akane the robot doesn't have much of a future in
front of her.  Akane the human being can look forward to a happy life, if she can get past her
current crisis.  That's why I am here.  Trust me, Akane-san.  We will get past this.  I will help
you to deal honestly with your pain, bring it out of hiding where it will eventually evaporate
away.  It will hurt for a while, of course.  Let me help you learn how to accept the hurt without
killing yourself."

He looked at her, his face earnest, his eyes appealing, his voice strong.  "Do you trust me,
Akane-san?"

She looked at him.  She hardly knew him.  Yet he was so different from the hospital doctors,
who seemed to be following a script when dealing with her.  He was listening, really listening,
and had elicited responses from her she had never expected.  She realized that some part of her,
for some reason, did trust him.  It felt good to trust someone besides Kasumi.  "Yes, Sensei.  I
trust you."

He smiled, with genuine warmth as far as Akane could tell.  She realized that trusting him meant
trusting that his feelings were true, unlike the empty smiles she'd received at the hospital.
"Good!  Thank you, Akane-san.  Our time is up for today.  Next time, I would like to know why
the rain would frighten you so."

She started; she hadn't realized that she'd revealed that about herself.  He was very good, she
was beginning to see that now.

She rose slowly and carefully straightened her school uniform, more to give herself time to
compose herself than anything else.  She bowed to Sensei and left.  She wondered if she was
going to tell him the truth about the rain.  She realized that she was going to, and that scared her.

She walked home quickly, wanting to eat and start on her homework and not think about what
had happened.  She actually got home before dinner was ready, and had time to clean herself up
a little bit, so that it wasn't obvious that she'd been crying.

She sat down at the dining table, looking at the two empty spots.  "Weren't Auntie and Uncle
Saotome coming over?"  She still called them that, even though there was no longer going to be
any family relationship between them.

Kasumi looked at her, and her smile dimmed a little.  "Auntie called and said they wouldn't be
able to make it tonight.  She didn't say why."

Akane looked closely at Kasumi.  She guessed that Kasumi knew why, and wasn't telling her.
Akane guessed that they were too uncomfortable around her.  They had moved out of the Tendo
home shortly before Akane's suicide attempt, probably because Akane was a reminder of how
much they had lost.

Akane sighed; she also made everyone uncomfortable with her mere presence.  The kids at
school all treated her as if she was dangerous and fragile, and no one ever raised their voice at
her.  For her part, she hadn't encouraged them to try to talk to her, and spent most of her lunches
eating alone, unless there were clouds in the sky, in which case she ate in the classroom.

"Ranma, let's go for a walk down the beach."  She was very nervous.  She'd been planning this
for days now, but the actual execution had taken lots of nerve.  She used all of her strength to
smile at him.  "Let's take some lunch and make an expedition out of it."

Ranma had looked at her in alarm.  "Um... you didn't make the lunches, did you?"

She grimaced, then stilled her face.  She wasn't going to let his idiotic comments deter her.  "No,
Kasumi made lunch for everyone.  I just took enough for you and me."  She took a step closer to
him, hoping he wouldn't hear how fast her heart was beating.  "What do you say?"

Ranma gulped.  He licked his lips and looked around, as if trying to find an escape.  Akane
resisted an urge to send him flying through the window.  Finally, he looked back at her, and his
face softened ever so slightly.  "All right."  His eyes immediately widened, as if he was
surprised at his own acquiescence.

Akane pounced before he found an excuse to back out.  "Come on, then."  She whirled and ran to
the door, grabbing a bag with their lunch in it.  She stood there, waiting for him to come with her.

"Now?"  He looked around.  Their families were in the other room, watching a newscaster on
television.  "Shouldn't we tell them where we're going?"

"Why?"  The last thing she wanted was for everyone to make a scene, Father in particular,
although Ranma's mother wouldn't be far behind.  "We can take care of ourselves."

"Okay."  Ranma visibly gathered himself, then joined her as she headed out the door to the
beach.

Akane shook herself, trying to keep the memories from continuing.  If only she'd let Ranma tell
everyone that they were leaving.  They would have found out what everyone was watching on
television.  Her whole life would have been different.

One of the very few things she had learned at the hospital, however, was not to play games of
"what-if".  What had happened was what had happened, and no matter how hard you wished, it
wasn't going to change.  That had been difficult to accept.  She'd come across so many magical
potions and bizarre items, she expected someone to produce a mirror or something that would let
her go back in time and change things.  Nobody had.  Shampoo, Mousse and Cologne had quietly
packed up and gone pack to China.  If anyone could have done something, it would have been
Cologne.

Akane stared at her empty rice bowl, realizing she'd been holding it in front of her for some time
now.  She was beginning to lose her focus again.  Memory was leading into memory; she was
losing time in the process.  This was frightening.  More and more, she was beginning to behave
like she had before the suicide attempt.

She put down her bowl and looked around.  Kasumi and her father were watching her, not saying
anything but clearly very worried.  She gave them a wan smile and excused herself.

She went to her room and dived into her homework with a passion.  Somehow, it didn't shut
everything out like it had before.  The walls were cracking.  She wasn't sure what was going to
happen when they finally broke down.

***

"Tell me about the rain, Akane-san."

Akane fidgeted on the chair.  She'd been trying to prepare herself for the last three days, but it
didn't seem to help now.  She jumped up and went to the window.  It was clear outside now.

"The forecast says there are storms on the way.  They'll hit us on Monday."  She always kept
track of the long- and short-term forecasts.  "They may be very bad."

"And do the storms remind you of your fiancee?"

Akane's chest tightened.  She didn't want to remember this.  "It was dark and gloomy when
Ranma and I were walking down the beach.  This was during our summer break, when our
families went to the beach together.  It was very windy, and there was a very light rain, mostly
mist."  Not enough to trigger Ranma's change.  They'd been wearing rain jackets, and she had
brought an umbrella for him as well.  "The ocean waves were very high, and violent.  We
admired them."  We were fools, she said to herself.

She remembered how her own nervous energy about being alone with Ranma, far away from the